What if at some time in your adolescence you develop an idea of yourself, a pride that fuels your ego. The sail that drives your forward in life.  Some people have a large sail confident in themselves and their talent and with unwavering draft of drive pushing the person they have created forward.

Others have no such confidence and can only be said to have a small sail battered by the breeze and at the mercy of the elements, they can perhaps increase that Sail in size and scope as they grow older or more likely they will come to know it and settle into the life it affords them.

And then what if through your own nihilistic and self destructive actions you do things that hit at the idea of yourself that damage your sail punching holes in the pristine idea of yourself you had created.  Cracks and tears; the doubts. The holes don’t mend and the sail no longer catches so much wind. This is self doubt and perhaps they can be patched over time or perhaps as you eat away at the sail you flounder, your notion of yourself is weakened and the sail sags, no longer carrying you forward propelling you on the course you had long ago decided for your personal development with weakening force.

A complete reinvention or repositioning of yourself may generate a new sail, but for a lot of us perhaps unknowingly we do ourselves damage that no longer affords us the bravado and pride that once propelled us and we come to settle for less, curtail our course and stop at lesser destinations.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Update I wrote this a year ago but I would note:

Of course the battered sail represents a greater story than the pristine ship charging into port. Perhaps a greater story with lesser results. This is the compromise.

AND the wind of fate and opportunity doesn’t always blow, but only those who are prepared can catch it.